Secrets from the stage and screen

People’s emotions often get the better of them when they have to attend a social function alone or confront someone over a disagreement. They feel anxious, insecure or even strangely detached.

You can overcome these debilitating feelings by adopting simple techniques that professional actors use to feel instantly more relaxed and empowered…

PUBLIC SPEAKING

Secret: Breathing exercises. Before your talk, use breathing exercises to relax you and get oxygen to your brain. This will help you think clearly and find the perfect words.

First, slow down your breathing — when tense we tend to take quick, shallow breaths. Instead, inhale deeply for four counts. Feel your abdomen expand. Hold your breath for two counts. Take another four counts to exhale, sharply blowing out the air. Repeat the sequence twice more.

Second, hum. Feel your lips vibrate with the sound, “Mmmm.”

Next make a loud, drawn out “Haaaah!” sound. Feel your chest vibrate and your confidence build. Notice how both of these exercises make your voice more resonant and impressive.

your conversation partner seems bored

Secret: Dramatic pauses. Pause for dramatic effect when you speak.

Example: You are telling a story. You say, “Then I realized what I had to do… ” Instead of jumping right into the next sentence, hesitate for a beat or even two. Don’t worry that your listener will become impatient or annoyed. Just the opposite happens. As you pause to collect your thoughts and choose your words, the listener will literally lean forward in anticipation. Watch how Al Pacino does this in his Academy Award-winning role in Scent of a Woman.

YOUR MIND FEELS SLUGGISH

Secret: Mental stimulation exercises.

Example: Add together in your head 14,231 and 28,489. It doesn’t matter whether you come up with the right answer or how fast. The important thing is to get your brain working.

Another example: Think of all the words that begin with a certain letter (for instance, “P” — palatial, pantry, pretty, etc.).

Secret: Yoga. Energize yourself with these moves…

Extend your right arm in front of you at shoulder height and shake your right hand vigorously as if you were trying to shake your hand off your wrist.

Hold your arm straight out in front of you with your fingers extended as far apart as possible. Drop your arm to your side. Now do the other arm.

Stand up with your right foot off the floor (hold on to something for balance) and try to shake off your foot. Repeat with your left foot.

MEETING NEW PEOPLE

Secret: Props. Carry any small object that you connect with emotionally so that it allows or inspires you to feel more alive and relaxed.

Examples: A handkerchief from someone you love… your grandfather’s pocket watch.

I knew a woman who went to meetings with a banana in her purse! For some reason, the fruit allowed her to see a certain ridiculous side of life, and suddenly her situation didn’t seem so dire.

Secret: “Sense memory.” If you remember something vividly enough, your body will react as if the person, place or event were really there. Draw on a memory that makes you feel confident. Use all five senses and specific details.

Example: When Sir Laurence Olivier directed Marilyn Monroe in the first scene of the movie The Prince and the Showgirl, he wanted her to enter the room sparkling and full of spunk and wit. However, none of his directions or demonstrations seemed to help Monroe. Then, her acting coach told her to imagine that she was drinking Coca-Cola. Monroe tasted the soda, felt the bubbles. Watch the movie if you get a chance. Monroe nailed that scene.

CONFRONTATIONS

Secret: Authenticity. Speak the truth. It always saddens me to see how uncomfortable people get because they carry unspoken sentences inside their heads, trying to pretend that everything is fine. It’s exhausting.

Better: Actors are taught to address their discomfort directly.

Example: The first time I saw the Golden Globe-nominated actress and singer Andrea Marcovicci, she was performing on a big stage. Suddenly, she stopped and said to the audience in a little girl’s voice: “Am I doing OK? I hope I’m doing OK.” It was so authentic and real that she won over the crowd.

Often, admitting a thought out loud breaks the tension, releases bad feelings and makes the situation flow more smoothly.

Secret: Silly images. Imagine a pigeon on the other person’s head. This works well when the other person intimidates you. By conjuring up such a silly image, you shift the internal balance of power in your favor. Now, pretend that the pigeon on your adversary’s head is doing what pigeons naturally do. Feeling less intimidated?

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