In as Little as 5 Seconds, You Can Reduce Stress and Feel Calmer

As women’s options have increased over the past few decades, our expectations of ourselves have increased as well. We’ve added new roles, responsibilities and opportunities — without dropping others. Result: Our to-do lists are longer than ever. We play catch-up late at night — doing the family’s laundry, finishing work assignments, counseling our kids, paying bills for aging parents, E-mailing friends — when what we really need to do is rest.

Being on-call around the clock makes us susceptible to the emotional and the physical costs of stress — from irritability, anxiety and depression to insomnia, headaches, digestive problems and even heart disease.

To keep stress symptoms from becoming chronic, we need to take care of ourselves the same way we take care of others. Of course, when we are pressed for time, it is hard to invest additional time in ourselves. Here’s how to feel less overwhelmed — in as little as five seconds.

IF YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS: BREATHE

Focusing on your breathing is the quickest way to interrupt the body’s stress reaction. Increased heart rate and blood pressure — two physical stress reactions — are not under voluntary control. But by changing your breathing pattern from fast and shallow to slow and deep, you signal your body to calm down.

Practice belly breathing: Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly button. The hand on your chest should stay still — only the bottom hand should rise and fall. Breathe in… out… and pause. This sequence should take about five seconds. For greater benefit, repeat 10 times. Option: Close your eyes and imagine your breath as a mist of your favorite color. This engages the visual part of your brain, switching attention away from the worrying words inside your head.

IF YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES: MOVE

Physical activity burns off adrenaline that floods your body when you’re overwhelmed. Best: Dancing, which restores a stress-­relieving sense of control — you hear the rhythm of the music and know the next beat will follow a predictable pattern.

Keep a portable music player and earphones handy, and move to your favorite music for five minutes. Important: The music should be fast — faster than the average heartbeat of 72 beats a minute. Although slow music can be calming when you’re already relaxed, it’s likely to frustrate you when you’re frantic.

IF YOU HAVE 5 HOURS: PLAY

Regularly set aside a few hours to do whatever helps you feel renewed. Browse in a bookstore… get a massage or facial… go for a long walk in the woods… take an art class. Once a week is ideal, but even once a month helps. Don’t feel guilty — these breaks promote physical and emotional health and give you more energy to tackle whatever tasks await you afterward.

Trap to avoid: Using scheduled playtime to catch up with chores, errands or correspondence. If you can’t resist the temptation to work instead of play, take your break outside the house, away from reminders of all that needs to be done. You can include family as long as the activity is genuinely fun for you and easy to arrange. If you can’t spare five hours, take an hour or two this week and promise yourself extra playtime next week.

IF YOU HAVE 5 DAYS: ESCAPE

Family outings and extended trips can be fun but often add to stress — because wives and mothers usually wind up planning, packing and keeping track of everyone’s needs during the trip. Solution: Take a mini-vacation with a girlfriend or by yourself. At least five days is ideal because it takes most people a few days to wind down and let go of work and home concerns. What if you can only manage a weekend or long weekend? For several days beforehand, take a few minutes each morning and evening to visualize yourself at your destination — stretched out on the beach, strolling through a museum or enjoying a fabulous meal.

IN 5 WEEKS: FORM NEW HABITS

For a long-term approach to strengthening your self-care skills, develop a new stress-reducing behavior each week.

Week 1: Practice saying no. Turn down all non-emergency requests for help. Don’t apologize. Say graciously but matter-of-factly, “Thanks for asking, but I’m over­extended and have to say no.” At the end of the week, when and if you start to say yes again, you’ll be more discriminating about the responsibilities you agree to take on.

Week 2: Prune your to-do list. Whenever you add a task to your list, cross off another either by delegating it or letting it go. Each evening, erase one nonessential uncompleted task. When an unexpected hassle arises, such as the car breaking down, cross off two or three items — it doesn’t matter if your closets stay cluttered or your dinner-party desserts aren’t homemade.

Week 3: Mother yourself. Whatever loving care you would provide for a child, do for yourself. Feed yourself well… take a nap… enjoy some physical activity… get eight hours of sleep every night… pay yourself a compliment when you need one.

Week 4: Act “as if.” It’s not necessary to feel comfortable with a change before you can shift behavior — when you change behavior first, feelings follow. The more you treat yourself as if you’re entitled to play and take breaks and say no, the more genuinely entitled you’ll feel. Act as though other people are delighted to treat you the way you want to be treated. Soon you’ll feel comfortable asking for what you need and will respond to others’ helpfulness with appreciation rather than guilt.

Week 5: Change your internal dialog. Every time you catch yourself thinking “I should…” substitute, “It would be nice if I could…” or “How terrific that my sister is able to…” Then follow with, “It’s okay for me not to…” With practice, you’ll start to believe it — and you’ll stop feeling frazzled.

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