Nearly everyone has at least one bad habit that he/she would just love to be rid of—maybe it’s eating too much, losing your temper or putting things off. But why is it so hard to break a bad habit even though you clearly know that the behavior is harmful to you?
Bad habits are often created by unconscious motives, beliefs and feelings. Of course, you can make a conscious effort to stop these practices, but that won’t help when the powerful unconscious or automatic part of your brain makes you reach for another helping or tells you to tailgate that driver who isn’t going as fast as you’d like. The unconscious brain holds on to what has always been done and reacts, over and over again, without thinking about consequences.
The good news: The unconscious mind can be rewired so that making the right choices and withstanding temptation become second nature. Then you don’t have to struggle to do what’s good for you—you just do it because it has become your new habit. The key is to engage in behaviors or practices that reprogram the unconscious brain. How to break common bad habits…
Why it happens: These bad habits, which can include overeating, overspending, gambling or driving too fast, can be triggered by feelings of self-entitlement. Deep down these people feel that they are special and that the usual rules don’t apply to them. They also may lack empathy and act boastful and pretentious.
How to rewire your brain: Practice empathy. Scientists used to think that empathy was an innate characteristic—you either had it or you didn’t. But new research has shown that people can improve their ability to sense—and share—other people’s emotions.
Helpful: When you interact with people, watch their body language and facial expressions. Maintain eye contact, and listen closely to what they say rather than anticipating your own response. Look for clues that tell you how they are feeling. And ask questions to be sure you understand them. Also: Stop judging. If you have a harsh thought about someone, remind yourself to think of something kind.
Why it happens: Procrastination is particularly common in people who have a fear of failing and unrealistically high personal standards. They tell themselves that they would have succeeded had they completed a task.
How to rewire your brain: Learn to tolerate the fear and anxiety of failing without getting overwhelmed by it. Meditation can help. What to do: Sit in a quiet place, and breathe slowly and deeply while focusing on your breath. You can’t stop the thoughts that will flit in and out of your mind, but you can learn to simply observe these thoughts without worry or judgment and let them float away. I recommend trying to meditate for a half-hour daily for a month. After this intense practice, you can scale back to shorter daily sessions.
Also helpful: Narrow your focus. If you have so much to do that you feel overwhelmed, start anywhere. Don’t worry about priorities. Just pick an item on your list and dig in. Plan to work for five minutes on that task only. Take a short break, then work five minutes more. Keep going with this cycle as long as you can.
Why it happens: Many people who have a problem with anger management resent authority and lash out when questioned by an authority figure. “Rageaholics” also may feel helpless or shortchanged by life. Expressing anger makes them feel powerful and less like victims.
How to rewire your brain: If you resent authority, take time to understand what the rules are. It may help you gain new perspective. If you are angry because life isn’t giving you what you want, ask yourself if what you want is possible or practical. Some disappointments must be accepted, and others can be compensated for in different ways. Daily meditation (discussed earlier) also can help minimize outbursts of anger because it teaches you how to calm yourself.
In addition: You can learn how to be assertive in more appropriate ways. Calmly state, without personal attacks, how you are hurt by another person’s behavior. Listen carefully to the other person’s response and be ready to negotiate.
Self-hatred is behind numerous bad habits and addictions, including overworking, overeating, smoking and drinking too much alcohol. It often arises from unconscious feelings of guilt and shame that were acquired early in life and causes frequent negative thoughts and feelings of unworthiness.
How to rewire your brain: Don’t wallow in negativity. Pay attention to your negative thoughts and remind yourself that you do not deserve the harshness that you heap upon yourself. If you feel guilty about something you did recently, apologize. If that’s not possible, find symbolic ways to make amends—by giving to charity, working with the disadvantaged, etc.
