The Secret to Winning the Weight Loss Battle

The holidays and all that eating, drinking and making merry seem a distant memory — and, for many, the pants are still tight, despite the resolution that come January you’d get it under control. Dropping excess pounds is a popular resolution, but it can be hard to keep your promise to yourself as the days and weeks slip by. Though fear of failure and feelings of deprivation trip up many folks, this time it can be different, according to life coach and regular Daily Health News contributor Lauren Zander, cofounder of the Handel Group. By following the method with which she has led hundreds of clients to permanent weight loss, you, too, can be successful.

First, though, don’t waste energy looking back and being mad at yourself for gobbling goodies and gaining weight. “Think of the holidays as a vacation when you made a choice to enjoy the festivities and not worry about the pounds,” says Lauren. This clears your mind of lingering guilt and opens the way for a fresh start. It’s still January, after all. Use your energy now to make a heartfelt resolution to fulfill your dream of losing weight, whether your goal is six pounds or 60. Make it a commitment and let’s get started, says Lauren.

FIRST STEPS

The first activity is to review your past dieting attempts. The goal: To uncover what made them a success and ultimately what led to failure. Write down what kept you winning that particular battle, including the attitude and circumstances, your approach to food and to maintaining the restrictions you had set for yourself. Even if in the aggregate your last weight loss attempts were not considered a success, think of those moments when you did feel successful… the days you felt more energetic… the pride of pushing back from the table with food left on your plate because you had had “a gracious plenty.” Now, recall and review your thoughts on the reasons you didn’t succeed. “We all have our own blueprint for success and failure, a personal statement of dieting style,” says Lauren. People rationalize past failures with a wild collection of excuses — it got too hard… I couldn’t help it… I can’t deny myself that long… certain foods just call to me… I didn’t get enough support. As you ferret out your excuses, watch out for anything that sounds like guilt or a pity party (e.g., “I’m just always going to be overweight”), says Lauren. Instead, “find your best real excuses that ‘explain’ why you fell off… then ‘tell on yourself’ with humor.”

IT’S YOUR HAND ON THE FOOD

The truth is, the surprising reason why people succeed or fail at dieting has nothing to do with food. “It’s not the diet, it’s you,” says Lauren. Success or failure is a direct result of an internal struggle between two antagonists within your head — the commitment you made to keep your promises and your justifications for giving into the “gimmees.” “Self-control is not a trait that some people are naturally blessed with and given at birth,” says Lauren. “Self-control shows a mature willingness to take responsibility for managing the goals you want to achieve.” Managing life always means following certain rules — when you cook, for instance, you know cleaning up afterward is part of the deal and you don’t get upset about that. There are rules that help you manage your caloric intake exactly like the ones you use for managing any other area of your life, but this is an area where many lose their maturity. “People complain about being too heavy, while acting as if they have no idea how the cupcake got into their mouth,” says Lauren. “Instead of acknowledging that their hand put it there, they will say they are ‘bad’ at dieting.” What they’re bad at, in fact, is managing their decisions so they can keep their promises to themselves.

HOW TO GET THERE

Here are the specific steps Lauren recommends for owning the control you really do have over losing your excess weight and keeping it off…

  • With love and a sense of humor, identify your petty excuses, what Lauren calls the “whines.” “We all have whines such as ‘I can’t worry about food when I’m so busy.’ ” These reveal your pet theories or excuses about why you can’t be a success at dieting.
  • Listen to the internal conversations that keep you stuck and prevent you from going deeper to find the truth behind the excuses. Perhaps you tell yourself, “It’s okay if I eat a donut because I had a long day and I’m tired,” when the real story is “I am saying it is okay to eat a donut because I am lonely.” Make it a personal challenge to identify and refuse to accept superficial excuses for failure. At the same time, remind yourself of how bad you will feel about yourself and your body five minutes after you swallow the donut. Taking control of the food that enters your mouth is not only about the food, it is about your perception of control over all areas of your life.
  • Identify your triggers for falling off the diet wagon — and have a plan to deal with them. If a fight with your boss or your spouse drives you to the refrigerator, know that, own that and brainstorm ahead of time — before it happens — how you’ll deal with your distress. Late-night TV watching can be a trap — what can you do to overcome temptation to snack while watching the Late Show with David Letterman, say?
  • Determine, commit to and follow the diet that works best for you. All diets basically are protein, low carbs, fruits and vegetables, but find one that has the focus you like — for example, a lot of protein… powdered drinks… three balanced meals a day… someone delivering meals to you. Most diets also have add-ons you can negotiate, such as how many drinks or sweets you are allowed each week, or if you need to eat breakfast or not. By deciding what best suits your needs, you can fashion your preferred dieting style.
  • Join forces with a diet buddy. Lauren points out that dieting with someone else makes you immediately accountable. You can decide together what the consequences will be for taking a wrong turn from the path you have decided to follow in tandem.

Once you have become truly committed to managing how you eat, you have started a practice that is more spiritual and more interesting than just letting foods end up in your mouth. The commitment is a deep emotional experience that enriches your personal development and maturity, says Lauren. The donut may taste awesome for a minute or two… but an apple comes with the delicious emotional gift of knowing you have at last put yourself in charge.