People who worry too much have a new problem to worry about. Chronic worriers suffer more from pain than those who are more laid-back. They’re also more likely to have digestive complaints, fatigue and depression. In general, worriers are less likely to be happy and are at higher risk for relationship problems.
Latest development: Researchers now know that traditional psychotherapy and/or medications help only about 20% of chronic worriers. But 77% of patients who receive cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps patients recognize and change distorted thought patterns that fuel chronic worrying, experience significant reductions in their anxiety-related symptoms.
Fortunately, you can try many of these techniques on your own. If the problem persists after two months, you may want to consider getting professional help.*
How to overcome chronic worry…
Research shows that people who are anxious tend to have worried thoughts rather than form mental images of whatever troubles them.
Reason: Thoughts are less threatening than emotions, which often express themselves visually. People who worry get in the habit of using worry, with all the mental clutter that it causes, to avoid difficult emotions, such as sadness and anger.
Action step: The next time you’re worried, form a visual image of the worst-case scenario. Someone who’s worried about health, for example, might imagine lying in a hospital bed. At first, you’ll probably notice that your worries increase when you visualize them. But with repetition, the image—and the worries behind it—will lose their sting. They’ll start to seem mundane or even tedious—and you’ll find it easier to let them go.
Worriers are actually good at solving real-life problems. The problem is that they spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about things that either will never happen, or that they’ll handle well if they do come about. One study found that 85% of the things that people worried about eventually had positive—or at least neutral—outcomes.
Chronic worriers suffer from “cognitive distortions,” inaccurate thoughts about themselves or their daily lives. You might worry that you’ll lose your job and think, I’ll never get another job if I lose this one. But the truth is, you don’t know that you won’t get another job. You have no evidence of that.
Action step: The next time you have a thought like this, remind yourself that there is nothing you can do to prevent your company from downsizing and that your odds of not getting laid off will improve if you are performing well in your job. If you also start networking, that will help you land a job if you are laid off.
People who worry always have a reason. They tell themselves that they’re more responsible than nonworriers. They anticipate what could go wrong. They obsess over details that (they think) will help them organize their lives. But worry that isn’t linked to action doesn’t solve anything. Productive worry is different because it helps you focus on what you can control.
Action step: Ask yourself if there’s something that you can do today that will address your worries. Example: I’m giving a workshop in Europe in a few weeks. If I’m worried about a hotel reservation, I can use my time productively by making sure that my room is booked.
Conversely, you can’t make an action plan for unproductive worries. I could agonize for weeks about the possibility that my talks won’t be well-received or that the participants won’t like me, but there’s nothing I can do about it beyond being well-prepared.
If you find yourself worrying about something that can’t be solved with an action you can put in a to-do list, then turn your attention to something else—ideally, something you enjoy doing, such as visiting a friend or playing a game.
People often avoid this step because they want to worry less—not more. When done properly, however, it really is an effective way to stop negative thoughts from overtaking your life.
Action step: For at least two weeks, set aside just 30 minutes each day. During that time, write down every worry that comes into your mind. You might be surprised how short the list is. People tend to have the same worries, which they recycle over and over again.
Also spend your “worry time” challenging your thoughts. For example, ask yourself, What am I predicting, and how likely is this to really happen?…Is there any productive action I can take now?…What advice would I give a friend?
The rest of the day, do not give any mental energy to your worries. You’ll recognize that you’re worrying if your mind is filled with “what if” thoughts. When these thoughts come into your mind, focus on any productive action you can take. But for those two weeks, try to deal with worries only during your official worry time.
People who do this report that they feel a greater sense of control, and their worries gradually become less intrusive.
The things that really worry you aren’t the harried thoughts that flit in and out of your brain. Worriers focus on minutiae in order to avoid their core fears—for example, the fear of abandonment or feeling inferior.
People who are afraid of failure might cope by working too much or being hyper-responsible. They worry excessively about their performance because, deep down, they feel that failure is imminent.
Action step: Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. Then judge the truth of your belief. Worriers tend to think in all-or-nothing terms. In their minds, they’re either a complete failure or a complete success. This isn’t true of anyone. Everyone is a mix of good and bad.
Remind yourself: I’m a human being with positive and negative qualities. I can appreciate myself even if I’m not perfect.
And remember that there will always be matters that are beyond your control. Worrying about those issues won’t do any good. Take whatever steps you can to address the problem—then let it go!
*To find a therapist near you who is trained in cognitive therapy, consult the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, www.AcademyofCT.org.
