The heart-pounding physical attraction of new love brings couples together, but it can’t keep them together. This intense physical attraction usually fades within six months to two years into a marriage.
Long-term love may not have the same passion, but its depth and tenderness can be even more satisfying. That satisfaction does not come automatically. For committed couples, keeping romance alive takes attention.
Yet even busy couples can reignite the spark by spending just a few minutes a day giving each other the right kind of attentiveness…
Greet each other with a 10-second hug. A peck on the lips and a quick squeeze does not give you time to bond after you have been apart all day. Ten seconds is enough to get the attachment hormone oxytocin flowing in your system.
Touch when you pass. Make contact any time you pass each other in the house, whether with a sensual stroke along the small of the back or a quick high five.
Go to bed at the same time. Even if one of you is a lark and the other an owl, don’t miss out on the special connection of bedtime. Cuddle together in bed until the lark falls asleep — then the owl can get up and continue with the evening.
Leave each other love notes — on the refrigerator, on the bathroom mirror or in your partner’s jacket pocket.
Meet for lunch. Getting together in the middle of the workday offers a different dimension to both your lives. Pack a picnic basket, brown-bag it or meet at a restaurant.
Make dinner together. Food is sensual, and preparing it together can be powerfully bonding. Then eat by candlelight.
Write your partner a thank-you note every time he/she gives you a gift or does something special for you, no matter how small. As you are writing, allow yourself to feel deserving of admiration, and let your heart fill with gratitude for your lover.
Schedule an “unplan” day. Agree to get up on a weekend morning, and go somewhere neither of you has previously chosen. Get in the car, flip a coin, let it land on the local map and start driving in that direction. When you see something that looks interesting, stop and check it out. Have lunch, and decide whether to keep going or drive back. Take a different route home.
Create an adoration list. Ask your partner to write down seven nonmaterial things that would make him/her feel cherished by you, and make a similar list yourself.
Examples: Getting served breakfast in bed… going sailing together… celebrating the anniversary of your first date… getting a back rub without asking for one.
Exchange lists and start planning these special treats for each other.
Give each other a makeover. Go to the mall — or a high-end boutique — and pick out some items that you would like to see each other wear. Have fun trying on new clothes for each other.
Play tourist. Whenever you read in the paper or online about an unusual local place that welcomes visitors — an orchid farm, a brewery, a historic landmark — save the information and schedule an excursion.
Each of these exercises takes only a few minutes and lets you experience your partner in an unexpected way.
You might try one of these before you go on a “date.” Your time together will have new excitement.
Picture the future. Sit facing each other, knees touching. Close your eyes, and take three minutes to silently visualize the future that you would like to have with your partner. Open your eyes, and take turns sharing with each other what you saw. Now close your eyes again, but this time, each of you should visualize the future that the other person just described. Open your eyes, and tell each other what you experienced.
Play the alien game. Pretend your partner is from another planet and knows nothing about love on Earth. Your job is to teach your new guest about love, but without speaking — only gestures and looks are allowed.
Touch hearts. Put your hand over your partner’s heart while your partner puts his/her hand over your heart. Feel each other’s heartbeats for a minute.
Hug backward. Stand back-to-back, with your backs touching, and hold hands. Spend a few minutes becoming aware of each other from this new perspective. Talk about any sensations you are noticing and any emotions that come up. Giggling is fine, too.
Play 20 questions. Do you know your partner’s favorite movie? Favorite song? Think of 20 (or 10 or five) things you don’t know about each other, and take turns asking questions.
