Ruth Sherman
Ruth Sherman, president of Ruth Sherman Associates, LLC, an executive consulting and training firm in Old Greenwich, Connecticut. She is author of Get Them to See It Your Way, Right Away (McGraw-Hill). www.ruthsherman.com
Charisma isn’t something people are born with. It’s a set of skills that most of us can master. Here’s how…
A charismatic person can walk into a group of strangers and quickly make friends. An uncharismatic person hangs uncomfortably on the edge of the crowd, unable to make a connection. If you’re not naturally outgoing, mingling might be uncomfortable for you, but you can do it successfully if you follow these rules…
Walk purposefully. At a party or business function, don’t wander around aimlessly. Set goals before the get-together.
Example: Resolve to meet three new people at a party or give out 10 business cards at a meeting.
Offer intriguing introductions. Don’t just give your name during introductions. Say something about yourself that will draw a question and lead to a conversation.
Example: Don’t say, “Hi, I’m Bob Jones,” say, “I’m Bob Jones. I am an attorney specializing in copyright and patent law.”
Ensure that at least one person isn’t a total stranger. If you’re anxious about entering a room full of strangers, find out who will be going and call one person ahead of time to introduce yourself.
Example: If you’re attending an organization’s annual meeting, call the president. Ask a question or two about the event, and then ask if he/she would be willing to introduce you around when you arrive. You’ll meet plenty of people, and they’ll think of you as a friend of the most important person in the group.
Charismatic people are passionate about the things they believe in. Those perceived as lacking charisma typically have no passion… or consider it pushy or egotistical to state their opinion or talk about successes. Be aware that for every person who finds persistence and passion overbearing, many more will find it persuasive.
Example: You send an e-mail to 20 contacts concerning a project you believe in. Two of the 20 ask to be taken off your list for future messages. How do you respond? A charismatic person wouldn’t be shaken by the two who asked to be taken off the list. Instead, he/she would be encouraged by the 18 that didn’t.
When people think that you value their opinions, they’re predisposed to value yours. Conversely, if you appear disinterested, you can expect others to be unreceptive when you speak. Strategies…
Make eye contact. Don’t let your attention drift even if you’re at a crowded party and your inclination is to say hello to friends who pass by.
Ask follow-up questions that show you’re paying attention but don’t excessively challenge the speaker.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person speaking. If someone is telling a story, imagine that it happened to you. When you do, your facial responses will show sincere interest.
Make short comments that validate the speaker’s emotions. If the story is about fighting against a bureaucracy, say, “You must have felt so powerless.”
When a charismatic person makes a mistake, he doesn’t get defensive or point fingers. That alienates others and makes him appear small and petty. Strong and self-assured people accept blame and apologize, which makes others view them with respect.
