When I was 19, both my parents died—my mother from cancer, my father in a car accident. I then took a bad situation and made it worse by making poor decisions. Within a span of a few years, I was literally homeless, sleeping under a pier on the Gulf Coast or in someone’s garage.
During that time, I became fascinated by the lives of people whose decisions had inspired others. I made it my quest to find out what characteristics they had in common.
I went to the library and read more than 200 biographies of influential men and women—military and political leaders, scientists, sports figures and everyday heroes whose actions had somehow changed the world. In studying their stories, I identified the principles that are the foundations for a remarkable life. These principles turned my life around, and they can be applied by anyone who is committed to leading a more successful and fulfilling life.
Every time you blame your problems on the economy, the government, your spouse, your boss, your parents, your children or the traffic, you are giving up control of your life.
Responsibility is not about blame—it is about hope and control. No matter what circumstances led to your current situation, by acknowledging that you have a choice about how to respond, you take charge of your own future.
Example: George Washington learned from the serious blunders he made early in his military career. In 1754, as a young lieutenant colonel in the Virginia militia, Washington led his recruits through the wilderness to take French-occupied Fort Duquesne. Surrounded by hills from which French soldiers and their Indian allies could easily hide and attack, the militia suffered a humiliating defeat. French and Indian fighters fired on Washington and his men from behind rocks and trees. Washington lost his first battle, his first fort and his first command all at once, but he made no excuses. Instead, he learned to use the same guerilla warfare strategies that had been used against his troops. Later, during the American Revolution, settlers routed British forces partly by attacking them from the cover of rocks and trees.
We absorb the messages that we are exposed to—from the media we watch and listen to, the Web sites we visit, the books we read and the people we spend time with. So it stands to reason—though this logic often is ignored—that it is important to immerse ourselves in messages that can bring about positive changes and promote deeper understanding of others.
If you don’t have time to read, try to listen to tapes or CDs by inspiring thinkers while you’re in your car. Choose friends who not only accept you as you are, but who also expect you to be the best you can be. Ask for advice from people who know more than you do, not from those who will automatically agree with you.
When we act as though we have nothing to learn, we are laying the groundwork for failure.
Example: Napoleon lost to Wellington at Waterloo in part because he failed to listen to his troops. After overrunning an opponent’s cannon, soldiers always would drive nails into the firing mechanism, rendering the cannon useless. Before the battle of Waterloo, Napoleon’s cavalry asked, “Where are the nails?” Convinced that victory was inevitable, Napoleon ignored his troops’ confusion and sent them into battle without nails. His forces outnumbered Wellington’s forces and initially captured their cannons. Then, as the battle raged, a group of Wellington’s men got their artillery back, and Napoleon’s army was blasted to pieces—for lack of a handful of nails.
Many people allow fear to immobilize them. Successful people don’t let fear stop them. They seize the moment.
Example: Baseball player Will Clark, during his first time at bat for the San Francisco Giants in 1986, was about to face Nolan Ryan, the great fastball pitcher. One of Clark’s teammates said, “Man, you’re facing Nolan Ryan!” Clark replied, “No. He’s facing Will Clark!” and he proceeded to hit a home run over the left-field wall. He went on to become one of Major League baseball’s perennial all-stars.
Even chronically anxious people can develop boldness by understanding that fear is a misuse of creative imagination. When intelligent people are stalled by fear, it is because they are able to imagine all kinds of ways in which things could go wrong. Instead, put your imagination to good use by brainstorming positive actions.
Think about the complainers you know. Do you feel motivated to help them? Probably not—you don’t even want to talk to them.
When we dwell on what’s wrong with our lives, we drive away the people, opportunities and encouragement that could help us make a change.
Happiness is not a function of your circumstances. It is a matter of choice, and you can choose it daily.
Example: Anne Frank kept her spirit, hope and faith in human nature during the two years that she and her family spent hiding from the Nazis. Her diary has inspired millions of people.
Obviously, you can’t create an instant glow of well-being just by saying, “I will be happy now.” But you can choose to be grateful by focusing on what’s right in your life instead of what’s wrong.
Unsuccessful people tend to make decisions, then second-guess themselves. I am convinced that this lack of commitment has caused the failure of more marriages and entrepreneurial efforts than any other factor.
When you are passionately committed to your decision, you will devote your energy and resources to making that decision work.
When your dream is big, critics will try to discourage you. If you let those critics stop you, you will have little impact on the world.
Example: One of my books, The Traveler’s Gift, was turned down by 51 publishers in three-and-a-half years. I said to myself, I know you don’t know what to do now, Andy, but if you did know, what would you do? As I thought about the situation, the realization dawned that there must be someone who is more important than the publisher and who could influence his/her decision. That person is the publisher’s spouse.
I learned that a prominent publisher and his wife were planning to attend a local event, and I finagled a seat at their table. As we made conversation, I mentioned the book I was working on, and the publisher’s wife said, “That sounds so interesting—I’d love to read the manuscript.”
“Great,” I said. “I have a copy in the car.” She stayed up all night reading it, her husband published the book, and it sold millions of copies. If I had given up after 51 rejections, that success would not have happened.
