We are all guilty of it. Someone asks you the question “How are you doing?”—and you say, “I’m fine.”

Here’s the problem with saying you’re “fine’”—it’s probably not true. Right now, in these tough economic times, the majority of us are far from fine. Most of us are dissatisfied, frustrated and stressed out.

The problem for most of us is that while we may want to change something about our lives, the idea of change is just too daunting. It seems easier not to change, even if we are not truly content.

As we age, we are more likely to ignore the natural desire to change and grow. Our routines become increasingly ingrained, and we start to believe that the opportunity to make major changes has passed us by. If you say, “It is what it is” when you think about your life—consider this a wake-up call. You are destined for more.

The good news is that you don’t have to take major action to feel a major impact on your happiness. In fact, if you can find something new and enjoyable to do with just 6% of your waking hours—that’s around one hour per day or one afternoon per week—your entire life will be more satisfying.

Here’s how you can go from saying you’re “fine” to feeling absolutely great about your life.

ADMIT WHAT YOU WANT

Reflect on what you really want. We all know what we want. We just do a darn good job convincing ourselves that we can’t have it. Blame your brain. It talks you out of doing anything that’s different from your normal routine.

Have you ever driven your car to the store and thought, Oh my gosh, I don’t remember driving here? Your brain was on autopilot.

Your brain loves autopilot because it doesn’t have to work very hard. When you have an impulse to change or take new action, your brain will do anything to convince you not to do it and instead stay with your normal routine.

So the first step to combat your autopilot is to ask yourself, What do I really want?

Just pick the first thing that jumps into your head. Is it to lose 50 pounds? Start a nonprofit? Find love again? Repair a relationship with a sibling? Climb Mount Everest? I guarantee that there’s at least one thing you would love to do.

But be on guard—as soon as you lock onto one idea, your brain will come up with all kinds of reasons to tell you that it’s a horrible idea. Ignore your brain, and just stick with the first idea.

BE SPECIFIC

Now, make your goal as specific as possible so that it starts to feel more real and will be easier for you to accomplish. Examples…

I want to fit into pants with a 34-inch waist is more likely to lead to weight loss than I want to be in better shape.

I want to spend time each week helping children who don’t have enough to eat is more likely to lead to volunteering with a charity than I want to do something that helps people.

MAP OUT A PLAN

The key to getting what you want is simply starting! Most people never even start. They think and think and just can’t get out of their heads.

To help you get out of your head, you are going to create a map to show you the many actions that you could take to explore what you want. This map should be a page full of circles, each containing an action that would push the idea forward. Here are some suggested actions…

Approximate your dream. Come up with smaller ways to simulate the bigger idea.

Example: If you want to open a catering business, start by making fancy cakes for your friends or getting a booth at the local farmers’ markets. These experiences will serve as training for your larger dream.

Follow a path that is already blazed. There are people in the world who have what you want and are telling their stories to the world. Follow them on Twitter…become their fans on Facebook…read their blogs and books…and follow what they did.

Example: If you aspire to start a business, pick up one of the several hundred books written by people who have done just that. One of my favorites is Kitchen Table Entrepreneurs (Basic Books).

Join a group. Join and attend meetings of organizations related to what you desire. You will gain the contacts, ideas and inspiration that you need to keep taking action.

Get a PhD—but not literally. I’m talking about educating yourself. Make yourself an expert on the topic of your interest. For anything you wish to do, there are books, blogs and online courses by credentialed experts on the subject. Even iTunes has an entire university of podcasts that you can tap into for free.

So if your goal is to write a book, your map should include such actions as join a writers’ group…read about Stephen King…ask my friend who is published for advice…take a writing class…subscribe to a publishing industry magazine…set up a writing area in my home…write every day for 30 minutes.

THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO CHANGE IS YOU

Now that you know exactly what actions to take, the only thing standing in your way is you and your brain. Keep in mind the following…

1. You will never feel like doing what you need to do to have what you want. Your brain just doesn’t work that way, so stop waiting to feel like it. Make a point to do what you do not feel like doing. Then you’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted.

2. Your brain will kill any impulse to take action within five seconds. You must adopt the five-second rule. If you find yourself momentarily inspired to take action—I should call so-and-so…I should sign up for…I should read…—you must immediately take action. If you don’t, your brain will kill the impulse to act.

3. Use process simulation. Scientists have proved that when you visualize yourself engaged in taking action, your brain will be tricked into doing it.

Examples: If you are thinking about exercising, visualize what you would see if you were running—the street, the trees, the birds. If you want to find love, visualize being out on that date—picture the table at a restaurant, what you are eating, the face of your partner.

The bottom line is that you deserve to have everything you desire. The only thing standing between you and what you desire is you. It’s time to stop saying you’re fine. It’s time to get what you deserve.

Source: Mel Robbins, who stars in the new A&E television program Monster In-Laws and hosts the syndicated radio show The Mel Robbins Show. She is a lawyer turned life coach who trained under Lauren Zander, cofounder and chairman of The Handel Group (www.HandelGroup.com).Based in Sherborn, Massachusetts, Robbins is author of Stop Saying You’re Fine (Crown Archetype). www.MelRobbins.com

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