“The equality that you have been taught to embrace suggests that men and women are interchangeable, and they are not.” Thank you, author Suzanne Venker, for this quote from her newest book The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage. It puts clear and concise words to what I have been observing for some time. No matter how badly some “feminists” try to pretend otherwise, the fact is, men and women are not equal—they are both uniquely incredible.
I don’t understand why people seem so driven to “androgynate” society. It’s like the human version of homogenization—to take away that which is unique in order to force similarity. Is that really where we want to go as a society? Do we really want to deny the special gifts and skills that individuals possess—physical, emotional, artistic or any other type—under the guise that we should be equal? We simply are not.
Biologically speaking, men and women really are different, designed to fill each other’s gaps like the curves and juts of puzzle pieces. When I went looking for a spouse more than 30 years ago, I looked for someone who was a complement to my gifts, not a reflection of them. I wanted someone who had strengths where I had weaknesses, and vice versa, so that we could work as a team in creating our future. It just doesn’t make sense that I would want a clone of myself—I already have me. I don’t need more me.
[Let me make one thing clear, I am in no way denigrating homosexuality or any other piece of the LGBTQ world in this blog. Nor am I denying that we all exist on a spectrum of traits, although I may make some gross generalizations below. It’s OK. Go with me. My only purpose in this discussion is to talk about the biological and physical differences between the genders—and throughout humanity—as being something to value rather than something to eradicate.]
Yes, in general, men are physically stronger and their brains are optimized for specific focused and logical tasks. In primitive times, their job was to hunt—concentrate, be quiet, find food and stay safe against the many dangers of the wilderness. Oh, and impregnate women in order to preserve the species.
And yes, women’s bodies, in general, are smaller than men’s, physically curvaceous and engineered to optimize the process of pregnancy, childbirth and child-rearing, while their brains are optimized for multitasking—finding food, watching children, creating social connections and being “noisy” to keep wild animals away while foraging.
But with grocery stores and sperm banks, one could argue that gender differences are potentially obsolete. Carry that thought further…I fear that some people don’t realize that in the name of feminism and equal rights, they are carefully crushing what we really need to survive. Differences.
What makes winning teams win? An assortment of skills that mesh together into a single unit of greatness. If every man or woman on a soccer team were simply fast or had great ball-handling skills, the team would lose. A winning team requires speedsters and stoppers and kickers and jugglers.
To me, biological differences across the genders are great. At work, I pride myself on the unique combination of strength and connection that I bring as a leader. I am able to be decisive and focused while at the same time adjusting my communications depending on who is in the room to optimize our connection. And all of this is done wearing clothes that let me be both feminine and strong. No neutral-gender “greige” that the fashion industry has been flirting with.
I surround myself with a team full of powerful gender identities. Some strong, decisive men focused squarely on the goals…and some very thoughtful, creative, juggling females who work across teams toward the same goals. And yes, I have men that reach across the lines and women who focus squarely on the goals. It does not have to be either/or. My point is that they don’t have to be the same, because they’re not.
We seem to be moving to a place of extreme equality. The land of participation trophies and gender “equality.” The truth is, we are not interchangeable. There really are some people who are more talented than others when it comes to art or sports or writing or problem-solving or cooking or cleaning or driving or planning—the list goes on. Many of those unique abilities really are along gender lines. It really is OK that women generally are better at juggling the household schedule and men generally are better at putting together those plastic play structures. We will drive ourselves crazy trying to do and be it all, rather than simply sitting back and embracing the unique abilities that make us different. It is through those differences that we can succeed.
