The scenario is a familiar one — a celebrity caught in an embarrassing situation apologizes, takes “responsibility” and explains that the bad behavior is an addiction for which he/she is going into rehab. We’ve seen it dozens of times about alcohol and drug use, but in the last few years, we’re hearing a lot about a new addiction — sex. However, while it is celebrities’ behavior that fills the headlines and gossip shows, inappropriate sexual acting out is by no means limited to the wealthy and famous. Local papers often report on neighborhood voyeurs caught devising covert ways to peer into locker rooms and bathrooms. Ordinary working men and women and even ministers confess (sometimes in books they write) to having years of sexual addiction.
Still, for many people, it remains a question: Can sex actually become an addiction? Science has studied chemical addictions for years, and we know now that there are at least some physiological and even genetic predisposing factors. But — sex? Is it possible for a behavior that is an inborn and healthy drive to become an addiction? Or is it, as many people suspect, just a display of big boys (and girls) behaving badly and looking for an excuse?
Those were my very first questions for Maureen Canning, MA, LMFT, with whom I recently sat for a question-and-answer session on this provocative topic. She is a clinical consultant for sexual disorders at The Meadows and director of Dakota, both sexual addiction treatment programs in Wickenburg, Arizona, and she also wrote the book Lust, Anger, Love: Understanding Sexual Addiction and The Road to Healthy Intimacy.
Canning said that sex not only can become an addiction, it already is one for nearly 12 million Americans, and she suspects that figure actually underestimates the reality. Read on to see what else she had to say…
Q: What is the definition of sexual addiction? Some people have extremely active sex lives, but does that make them addicts?
A: The lack of an official definition for sexual addiction has led many mental health professionals to apply the same criteria they do for drug or alcohol addiction — but a key difference is that sexual addiction is a behavioral addiction and not a chemical one. Just engaging in certain behaviors, such as having multiple affairs or using pornography, does not necessarily lead to addiction. Questions you can ask to identify when a behavior has become addictive include — have you tried to stop multiple times and failed? Is the behavior progressing and becoming more and more intense? Are you using the behavior repeatedly as a way to deal with stress, anxiety or depression? Have you experienced negative consequences from the behavior, or are you continuing without regard to how it harms yourself or others — for instance, if it is ruining a relationship or marriage, interfering with your professional life, causing financial problems and the like?
Q: Some professionals consider hypersexual behavior to be a symptom or component of recognized mental health issues, such as obsessive compulsive disorder, because of its connection with impulse control. Is it ever just “the” problem?
A: It is true that many sex addicts also have other addictions and diagnosed mental health problems. For example, many abuse alcohol or drugs, possibly as a way to ratchet up the serotonin and adrenaline high that their hypersexual behavior triggers — or for others, as a way to help them relax as they pursue the sexual goal. Also, many (if not most) sex addicts have other disorders as well, including obsessive compulsive or bipolar disorder or ADHD. Unfortunately, the presence of these problems sometimes leads therapists to miss the sexual addiction that is a problem that must be addressed as well.
Q: The vast majority of adults enjoy sex without ever having it become an addiction — how does it happen that a normal and healthy drive turns into a destructive addiction for some people?
A: In my clinical experience, the problem often starts in childhood and involves some kind of sexually related trauma. Sometimes this is a history of sexual abuse, but sometimes it is an event that seems harmless, perhaps witnessing a sexual act. This can become a problem if it causes a disruption in the child’s normal sexual development — in adulthood, the hypersexual behavior may be an unconscious attempt to “correct” the trauma by reenacting it.
Q: There’s obviously some satisfaction that sex addicts derive from their behavior or they wouldn’t return to it again and again. What finally gets them to seek help so that they can change?
A: At some point, the pain starts to outweigh the gain. Often it’s that a sex addict ends up paying a high price for the abnormal behavior — a marriage fails, a job is affected…even lost. That’s the sort of crisis that leads a sex addict to seek help and begin treatment. The initial goal is to help them investigate and understand their history — including what may have happened when they were growing up, which helps to break down the sense of shame that keeps any treatment from working effectively. Then they must learn how to arrest the addictive behavior and restore healthy expression of their sexual feelings and impulses. We also work on improving communication skills to help people develop better relationships and work on improving their self-esteem in other ways. An important aspect of treatment is taking part in support groups, which give addicts a chance to practice what goes into healthy relationships. A painful part of the process is that sex addicts typically do a lot of grieving as they come to terms with how much their addiction has cost them in their lives, including close relationships.
Q: Is it possible for people who have had long-lived sexual addiction throughout their adult lives to be cured?
A: As a rule, addicts need professional help to arrive at an understanding of the deep feelings involved in the addiction and to guide them through to recovery. But absolutely, with sufficient time and attention, sexual addiction can be healed.
I thanked Canning for sharing her insights into a problem that’s more common than many might have guessed. If you think this might help someone you know, please pass it along — also, the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals has a therapist locator on its Web site — http://www.iitap.com/find_csat.cfm.
