Illness is as much a part of life as health — and brings with it opportunities for personal growth.
It is difficult to remember this in the midst of a crisis, but you do have a say. Instead of giving in to feelings of hopelessness and withdrawing from life, it is possible to actually improve the quality of your life — by repairing fractured relationships, making positive changes and embracing the love of family and friends. Important steps…
Everyone has regrets, which are often magnified during a prolonged or end-of-life illness. Patients may feel guilty because they don’t want to be a burden and because they want to maintain self-respect. Some feel that they can no longer contribute to others.
Family members, on the other hand, may experience guilt simply because they’re healthy and their loved ones are not. It’s difficult to go forward in life while a person they love is no longer able to.
Guilt is a toxic emotion that damages relationships. It can make a patient’s final days (or years) less fulfilling than they could be.
Advice for the patient: Every family has regrets from the past. Take this time to ask for apologies and to offer them… tell your loved ones what they’ve meant to you… and thank them for all they’ve done and given.
Advice for family members: Don’t stop living. By going forward in your life and maintaining a positive attitude, you can uplift your family members and bring more energy and hope to your ill loved one. Those who give up on their lives, who make themselves martyrs, exude a sense of despair, which has a bad effect on everybody.
The fear that accompanies illness can make us feel timid and childlike. When that happens, it’s natural to look for an authority figure — usually a doctor — to make decisions for us.
No matter who your doctor is, you’re the one in control. You might not be able to change the course of your illness, but you can take charge of the way you respond to it, the decisions you make and the actions you take. It is important to make your own decisions during the course of the illness. If you cannot do this, have a family member ask for details about a treatment and possible alternatives. Those who engage actively with their illness and maintain a sense of control feel less like victims.
Many people live for years with a serious illness. The ways in which you approach the illness, your emotions, beliefs, actions and sense of self-esteem all affect the quality of your days and often the outcome.
Try meditation and/or visualization. Both techniques help reduce pain as well as stress and depression. They can also improve the quality of your life — and you can do them on your own, and in all circumstances…
Other forms of visualization involve picturing the illness dissolving and other parts of the person growing stronger.
Meditation. There are many forms of meditation, all of which develop balance and focus. Concentration on the breath, or on a phrase that is meaningful, or repetition of a prayer, calms the system and quiets turbulent feelings and thoughts.
Research has shown that negative emotions, such as depression and anxiety, can manifest themselves as physical symptoms or even disease. It’s common, for example, for a spouse who has lost a long-term partner to die shortly afterward.
It can be very helpful to look a little more deeply into your life and see what stress might be creating or fueling your illness. Sometimes when we are depressed or feel hopeless, our immune systems are weakened and do not fight disease as well as they might. When some individuals make personal changes in their lives, they notice that the pain and symptoms they experience can decrease or dissolve completely. Illness can be used as an opportunity for emotional healing, and emotional healing can impact illness.
Although no one wants to be sick, the more we resist and deny what’s happening, the less energy we have available to heal. The more we engage in catastrophic thinking, the worse we feel.
Better: Stay in the present. Rather than dwell on what could or will happen, experience each day as it is.
Helpful: Focus on what is good and enjoyable. Reflect on your life — those things that give you pleasure, what is meaningful, what you would like to do next. Be especially aware of all of the love that you’ve given and received.
When you are able to, it is beneficial to resume as much of your usual activities as possible. If possible, stay in touch with friends, invite them to visit, and plan outings and trips that are enjoyable and meaningful.
People who view illness as a spiritually transforming experience have more peace of mind and less fear and anger. They often grow to realize that all of life is impermanent and that, ultimately, they’re part of that which is greater than themselves. This promotes serenity.
Family members are often afraid to talk honestly with patients. They tend to pretend that everything will be fine… to act cheerful when they are upset and sad. Sometimes they even withhold medical information.
Better: Be real. Patients know intuitively when those around them are “faking it.” What they need most is to feel close and connected, to be treated with honesty, which is another way of saying “with respect.”
Don’t laugh when you feel like crying. It’s OK to express feelings of sadness and to share moments of concern. It’s also important to allow the patient to say what he/she really thinks and to feel what he really feels. Don’t keep trying to cheer someone up if he wants to express doubt and fear. Just be there for him and listen. This will mean a great deal.
It’s important to be honest with patients, but this does not mean that you can say everything to everyone. Most patients let you know what they really want to know and what they prefer to have kept from them. It’s important to listen and respect where the patient is coming from and to be sensitive to his feelings.
