Walter Baile, MD
Walter Baile, MD, professor of behavioral science and psychiatry, The University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center, Houston.
“You have cancer.”
“It’s Alzheimer’s.”
“The diagnosis is Parkinson’s Disease.”
No one is ever truly prepared to find out that he or she has a chronic and/or life-threatening disease.
But it happens all the time. So even if this information doesn’t apply to you right now, bookmark this article, because you never know when you—or a close friend or family member—might need it.
A serious diagnosis usually leads to a flood of emotions. In fact, some patients say that the mental aspect of dealing with a disease (coming to terms with it) can be even more challenging than the physical part (whether it’s managing pain, fatigue, memory loss or other symptoms).
Here’s how to handle what goes on in your head when your body breaks down.
Most people experience disbelief when they first learn that they have a serious health condition. They may be confident, intellectually, that the diagnosis is correct…and yet somehow, it just doesn’t seem real. “The healthier you feel at the time of diagnosis, the more you may be in denial,” said Walter Baile, MD, a professor in the departments of behavioral sciences and psychiatry at the University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston who counsels doctors on how to communicate delicately with patients who have cancer. If you truly doubt your doctor and need extra confirmation about your diagnosis, get a second opinion, he recommended. But beyond that, he said, the best thing that you can do is give yourself some time for the diagnosis to sink in—as it will. “This could take anywhere from moments to days,” he said.
Once the disbelief has worn off, you may feel fearful and/or anxious. A lot of times, people are frightened and worried because they feel lost and out of control—they don’t know what’s going to happen next, said Dr. Baile. So the best way to reduce any panic or fright is by learning everything you can about your disorder or disease. Read any pamphlets your doctor gives you…check out books from the library on the topic…and search for information on legitimate medical Web sites, such as www.MedlinePlus.gov, the site for the National Institutes of Health. The more you know about your condition and what’s ahead, the fewer surprises there will be and the more you will feel in control, said Dr. Baile.
At this point, patients often become demoralized and can even feel grief. “Even though nobody has died, you can still experience a sense of loss,” said Dr. Baile. After all, a serious illness can cause you to lose not only your health but also your job and/or financial stability—and you may worry about how it might negatively affect relationships with your loved ones and friends. At this stage, it’s usually helpful to speak with a trained mental health counselor, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist, he said, because a counselor can help you manage stress and maintain optimism.
As you start to develop a more positive state of mind, follow this last piece of advice.
You might feel embarrassed at first to tell relatives and friends about your diagnosis, but keeping it hidden from the outside world may only make you feel lonely. “Remember that there is nothing to feel ashamed of, and the effect of holding feelings in is much more damaging than getting them on the table,” said Dr. Baile. “You can’t deal with your emotions when they’re all locked inside.” Plus, when more people are aware of your diagnosis, more people can help you cope with it.
If you’re too tired of telling people the story of your diagnosis or if you’re too busy going to medical appointments to share the news, appoint a close friend or family member to spread the word for you, he recommended. Or you could tell people via a single mass e-mail or Facebook status update or by using a Web site such as www.CaringBridge.org.
And join a support group full of people who have your condition—either a group that meets in person, an online group or both, said Dr. Baile. You can find one by talking to your doctor or by entering the phrase “support group” and then the name of your condition into any Web search engine. If talking with an entire group feels overwhelming, some hospitals have patient-to-patient programs that can match you one-on-one with someone who has (or had) your condition, so your ask doctor about that.
The supportive voicemails, e-mails, cards and baskets of fruit that you will likely get from people who hear about your plight are bound to make you smile and realize how much you’re loved—and this will help you continue to stay positive.
Plus, these loyal and compassionate friends and family members may offer to help you—and you should let them, said Dr. Baile. When people offer to bring you dinner or groceries…clean your house…or accompany you to a medical checkup or procedure, say “yes.” Don’t feel as though you are putting them out—most people don’t offer to help if they don’t want to help. Instead, when you accept help, see it as a win-win—a good deed that makes your life easier and makes the other person feel good about himself, too.
