Here’s what went through my head…1. Oh no! I must stink as an editor. I should quit.
2. If he’d stop being so darn fussy, my job would be so much easier.
3. Still, I’m not really surprised. He often has lots of comments.
4. Let me see where I went wrong so I don’t make the same mistakes again. If I can’t figure it out, I’ll ask him to explain.
5. Anyway, I shouldn’t feel bad—he praised the article I edited yesterday. And, overall, I love my job.
6. What the heck, I’ll have some fun by using this anecdote in the article I just started working on—which, appropriately enough, is about resilience.
In those few moments, my mind touched on several of the main points that Harvard Medical School psychologist Robert Brooks, PhD, covers in his book The Power of Resilience. Since my first thoughts had been decidedly nonresilient (though I came around in the end), I was glad for the opportunity to discuss the topic with Dr. Brooks.
“A resilient person has a mind-set—assumptions or expectations about herself—that allows her to bounce back after encountering obstacles. She adopts a problem-solving approach instead of languishing in feelings of helplessness and hopelessness,” Dr. Brooks explained. “Even if you don’t have a resilient mind-set now, you can develop one, because mind-sets are not chiseled in stone. There are guideposts you can follow and activities you can engage in that strengthen a resilient mind-set and lead to a more fulfilling life.” What to do…
Tell yourself that adversity is an expected part of life—a challenge to face and grow from, not evidence that you are a failure. When you do catch yourself getting into a negative mind-set (I’m stupid, this task is impossible), making a list of your strengths or thinking about a time you were successful dealing with a difficult situation can help adjust your attitude.
Learn from your mistakes—and successes. Here’s an exercise to practice at any time but especially when you have just experienced a setback and feel defeated. Think about a situation in which you made an error. Write down what you could have done differently to get a better outcome…and what you will do next time a similar situation arises. Now remember a time when you faced a tough situation and handled it well. Make a list of the coping strategies you used…and consider how to apply those strategies to a current challenge.
Focus your efforts on factors over which you have personal control—instead of feeling powerless and resentful over things you cannot control (such as another person’s behavior). Example: Suppose you feel unfulfilled at work. If you sit around waiting for your boss to offer more interesting assignments or stewing about the lousy economy that prevents you from getting a better job, you will fall prey to a “victim’s mentality” and not develop a resilient mind-set…and your situation won’t improve. Instead, figure out what you can control and work on that—for instance, by sending out your résumé or telling the boss, “I’m excited about Project X, and here’s how I could contribute to it.” Although your boss may not agree, at least you are taking a more active approach and will have a better idea of how receptive your boss will be to your ideas.
Ask for help…and give help, too. Resilience does not mean toughing it out alone. Look for resources that will help bring about a desired change, and willingly accept assistance when it’s offered. Also remember to display compassion and support for others. This creates a “helper’s high” that connects you with others…and reinforces the belief that you can make a positive difference in the world, which is a key component of a resilient mind-set.
