No woman in her right mind would suggest that adultery strengthens a marriage. But a relationship can survive and even thrive afterward if the wounded partner finds the courage to demand answers to three questions…

Why did this happen? Saying, “I was drunk” or “It just happened” doesn’t cut it. If it “just happened” once, it could just happen again — so there’s no basis for resurrecting trust. The unfaithful partner must figure out the real reason — “I felt old and was trying to feel young again” or “I miss the way we used to make love.” Once the problem is acknowledged, it can be worked on.

How can you promise it won’t happen again? A fidelity plan identifies the lesson learned (“No fling is worth endangering our marriage”)… puts constraints in place (“I’ll be home by 6 pm every night”)… and offers options (“I’ll go with you for counseling or do whatever you want to show how sorry I am”).

What’s in it for me if you cheat again? This idea came about when a caller to my radio show said her cheating husband wanted another chance. He loved his boat — so I said, “If he’ll sign a document saying that if he cheats, you get the boat, then you’ve got a shot. Before he’s unfaithful again, he’ll think, ‘Bimbo? Or boat?’ If he won’t sign, he’s not willing to put his heart into fidelity.”

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