Paul C. Rosenblatt, PhD
Paul C. Rosenblatt, PhD, professor emeritus of family social science at the University of Minnesota, St. Paul. He interviewed more than 40 couples for his book Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing.
A husband and wife recently moved to a new town—but it’s a different relocation that has thrown them for a loop. They’ve been feeling disoriented and sleep deprived because they swapped sides of the bed.
Yes, that’s right! They can’t sleep on different sides of their bed.
The husband often works late, so they agreed that he should take the side closer to the bedroom door, even though that meant trading sides because of their new home’s layout.
This couple is not alone. Most couples sleep on the same side of the bed every night. Some even sleep on the same side of the bed in hotels when they travel. And not sleeping on the same side of the bed can be unexpectedly challenging.
How these bed-side assignments come about varies from couple to couple. The partner who gets up to use the bathroom more might get the side closer to the bathroom door…the partner who handles most of the child care might get the side closer to the bedroom door when there are babies in the family and keep it even after the kids are grown…the partner who is viewed as the protector might get the side closer to the bedroom door because it makes the other partner feel more secure…or shoulder or hip pain might mean one partner can sleep comfortably only on one side of his or her body. Sometimes bed side is dictated by prior bedmates—perhaps one or both partners got used to sleeping on a particular side during an earlier relationship.
For people making the switch, realize that a change like this is stressful and challenging for most people— and takes time. What has helped some couples is to ease into the change by agreeing that it is just an experiment and quite possibly only temporary—this relieves the pressure.
