The three most difficult words in the English language, contrary to popular opinion, are not “I love you,” but rather “I am sorry.” Perhaps it’s because these words make us feel vulnerable or less than perfect or afraid of being sent to our rooms. Yet fear of ‘fessing up makes human interaction unnecessarily tense. To right a wrong…
Avoid the unsorry apology. A self-righteous “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or an equivocating “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” or a resentful “I’m always wrong, you’re always right,” will not repair a relationship.
Figure out where you erred. If you’re mystified by a friend’s cold shoulder, a clueless “What did I do?” only makes her angrier. Think about recent events, paying attention to your “belly barometer” — the memory that makes your stomach churn probably is key to the problem. Even if your apology misses the mark, you open a dialogue that can clear the air.
Explain, don’t excuse. The injured party doesn’t want rationalization (“I missed your speech because traffic was terrible”) — she wants the real reason (“I left the house too late, and I’m terribly sorry”).
Make amends. If you spill water on a friend’s sweater, simply say “Pardon me!” But if you spill red wine, you must offer to pay for a new sweater. You’re not just buying a garment — you’re investing in a relationship.
