Getting ahead can have as much to do with whom we know as what we know. There’s a lot more to building relationships than trading business cards. Here, networking secrets…

Engage in conversation. It’s better to have one or two meaningful conversations per conference than dozens of quick handshake exchanges. Search for topics that interest both you and the people you meet, then speak with passion on those subjects. While you’re talking with someone, don’t let your eyes wander around the room, looking for other people you want to meet.

Discover the power of vulnerability. The cardinal rule of small talk — avoid the overly personal, the potentially unpleasant and the controversial when speaking with people you don’t know well — is exactly wrong. True, you won’t offend if you engage only in pleasant banalities, but you also won’t make much of an impression.

If you want to be remembered, confound expectations and raise topics that show who you are and what you think.

Example: I once apologized for my sullenness to the woman seated next to me at a conference. I explained that my long-term relationship had just ended. My admission inspired everyone at the table to open up about their own failed relationships. We bonded on a far deeper level than people typically do at business conferences.

Build your network before you need it. The time to make contact with potential employers, employees and clients is before you need them. If you wait to reach out until you need something, your attempt will seem desperate.

To make valuable contacts for the future, take leadership positions in organizations and associations… join your college alumni club and attend its events… or angle for a position with your current employer that lets you interact with decision makers in your company or industry.

Never eat alone. Attend events and conferences whenever possible, and keep your social calendar full. Consider whom you could eat with before you head to lunch… whom you could exercise with before you go for a jog or to the gym… whom in the area you could meet with while you are traveling on business.

Invest the required time. Years ago, I hired temps to send holiday cards to the thousands of people in my contact database. A friend wrote back to say how nice it was to receive not one but three cards from me, all with different signatures. I learned my lesson. When it comes to relationship maintenance, sincerity matters more than efficiency. Mass E-mails and form letters send only the message that you don’t think someone really is worth your time.

Remember health, wealth and children. The three most reliable ways to turn an acquaintance into an ally…

  • Help him/her through a difficult health situation. Examples: Listen to a client’s health concerns… share the diet plan that worked for you.
  • Find a way to make him money. Example: Pass along a lead on a job to an acquaintance who is out of work.
  • Take a genuine interest in his kids. Example: Help an acquaintance’s child get an internship.
  • “Ping” all the time. You must reach someone at least two to three times each year by E-mail, phone or in person to avoid being forgotten.

    Great pinging opportunities include when you come across an article that might be useful to this person… when you’re visiting his region and have time to meet… and his birthday.