In recent years,
with Netflix binging soaring and more brick-and-mortar stores declaring Chapter
11 or shutting their doors, I’ve often feared a future dystopian existence
where people sit alone on their living room couches interacting with stores,
jobs, family and friends all through the convenience of the screen. They would
never have to leave their homes or touch another human because it would all be
available through the magic of the Internet. Social connections through social
media. Work through remote-access programs and clouds. Travel through virtual-reality
goggles. Intimate relationships through FaceTime and assorted video-chat
programs. Even pregnancy could be accomplished without the need for an intimate
partner. And all hard goods could be delivered to your doorstep after they were
ordered online. Of course, few clothes would be needed since there would be
little need to leave the house. At least there would be delivery people, right?
Nope. Deliveries would be handled by a self-driving car or a drone. No humanity
required.
Now, after five
weeks of social distancing and sheltering in place, I am happy to say I think I
am wrong.
Someone once said
to me, “Be careful what you ask for, you may get it.” Well, we have all gotten
a taste of the “delight” of being at home, and it ain’t all it’s cracked up to
be (especially for those who have lost their jobs, but that’s not the point I
am trying to make).
Researchers at Oregon Health & Science University
showed the power of face-to-face communication versus electronic interactions
on levels of depression in a 2015 study. Specifically, they found that “having little face-to-face social
contact nearly doubles your risk of having depression two years later”…while “having
more or fewer phone conversations, or written or e-mail contact, had no effect
on depression.” Meanwhile experts across the
country are warning of growing rates of depression, anxiety and suicide as a
result of the quarantine.
We miss people, and
we are realizing that we need to actually live our lives physically, not just
virtually. Want proof?
People who are
working from home are admitting that even the simplest communication can take
far longer when we are at a distance than when we are able to have those face-to-face
doorway meetings. Conference calls are a comedy of connection problems…and
texts and e-mails don’t have the nuance of in-person interaction. We are developing
“cauliflower ear” from the hours and hours of time we are spending talking on our
phones.
Video-conferencing
services have exploded. Did anyone know what Zoom was two months ago? It has
zoomed into the lives of people young and old as we desperately yearn to see
faces. I have one team member—generally a pretty quiet guy—who insists on
FaceTime discussions just so he can see another person. Voice is not enough.
People have held
birthday celebrations, family dinners, Easter brunch and Passover seders with
Zoom so that friends and family members across the country can stay connected.
One friend had a “surprise” Zoom cocktail party to celebrate his 60th birthday,
and another organized a parade of well-wishers to drive by her house with signs
and horns wishing her husband a happy 70th. The efforts people are going to—and
the creativity to do it—is really impressive.
My teenage neighbor
told me that she stays connected with friends through the app Houseparty,
which allows anyone who is in the connected group to just come in and “hang
out” with others, just like “real” open houses.
And my mother couldn’t
say yes fast enough when I invited her to spend hours in the car with me just
to go to pick something up from a friend who lives an hour away. This was the
first outing she had been on in more than a month, and she was near tears to
see my husband, daughter and dog. And we hugged. Yes, we hugged. And it felt
great.
It has been
extremely heartening to see the number of families out walking and bike-riding.
We need to move. We need to get out of our caves. We are not a species of
loners. As the old song says, we are “people who need people.”
Sure, Instacart and
other food-delivery offerings have been lifesavers for those who are most
vulnerable to illness. But it has been a dance of frustration because of the
limited availability of the things that we want and then receiving the wrong
things. And yes, we all like to pick our own produce. We want to be in control
of our lives.
To me, the most powerful sign of our need for people is the growing number of protests showing that people desperately want to return to work and be free from the shackles of social distancing. Economics aside, it is inspirational to see the human drive and deep passion to return to society. To know that when given the option to stay home or get out, we are a country of people who are doers and contributors. Endless pajama days may sound fun, but in reality, we want to dress and work and engage and create. Even the greatest introverts have realized that we are a species that is meant to work together to move ourselves forward. Let’s roll.
Sarah Hiner, president and CEO of Bottom Line Inc., is passionate about giving people the tools and knowledge they need to be in control of their lives in areas such as living a healthier life, the challenges of the health-care system, commonsense financial advice and creating great relationships. She appears often on national radio and hosts the Bottom Line Advocator Podcast, where she interviews leading experts to help people be their own best advocates in all areas of life.