Jane Isay
Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents…Secrets and Lies: Surviving the Truths That Change Our Lives…and the forthcoming Unconditional Love: A GPS for Grandparents.
My mother needs a lot of care, and my two sisters are helping out. With three small kids and a job, I’m too busy to help, but they’re mad at me. What can I do?
When I was doing research for my book on siblings, I found many brothers and sisters who had worked together to care for their aging parents. They reported that the experience of shared responsibility had created a new bond of love and respect among them, one they believed would last forever. But the brother or sister who walked away from the care of an aging parent was the object of anger and resentment. Many people rely on their siblings for love and support as they get older. The choices you make about participating in your mother’s care may have a lifelong effect on your relationship with your sisters. So if you don’t want to risk permanent damage, figure out a way to help with your mom. Maybe you can get away on a weekend afternoon and give your sisters a break. Maybe there’s a task you can do during your lunch break at work. Surely there’s something you can do, and offering your help is a good start. Try to figure out a way to participate in this shared burden. It’s an investment of time and effort you won’t regret—even if it means sacrifice now.
