Darron Cardosa
Darron Cardosa, who has waited tables in the New York City area for more than 25 years. He is author of The Bitchy Waiter: Tales, Tips & Trials from a Life in Food Service. TheBitchyWaiter.com
Bottom Line: Your restaurant experience depends on what you do—and don’t do.
Long waits, brusque waiters and bad tables can make dining out unsatisfying even when the food is fine. But restaurant patrons often have more control over the quality of the service they receive than they realize. Most waiters and waitresses want to provide stellar service—they make their living from tips. Here’s what you can do to increase the odds that you and your party will enjoy the dining-out experience…
Call to make your reservation, and when you do, effusively praise the restaurant’s quality of service. If you have eaten there before, tell how great the service was. If not, tell how you’ve heard about the great service. This sets the bar for service to you very high but does so in a way that’s complimentary, not demanding. When people are told they’re doing a great job, it makes them want to confirm that opinion.
If you are a repeat customer, the best way to use this strategy is to request a server by name when you call—and explain that you would like to sit in this person’s section because he/she always does a wonderful job. Mention something specific that you appreciate about the service—“He’s so friendly and attentive” or “She really made us feel welcome.” Even if the server you request is not available, a smart host will deduce from this compliment that service is very important to you and perhaps make a note with your reservation to seat you with one of the restaurant’s best servers. This reservations strategy is most likely to work at relatively upscale eateries because their reservation takers are most likely to have good customer service skills. But there’s a version you can use even at lower-end places—ask to speak to the manager and offer your kind words to him instead.
If dining for a special occasion, use the implicit power of social media even if you don’t plan to post about your visit. Telling a restaurant that you’re having an occasion such as a birthday or an anniversary has always been a good way to get a bit of special attention, but the age of social media has made it even more powerful. Savvy restaurateurs know that people often post online about their special occasions—and they know that making the occasion extra-wonderful for their guests can lead to some very flattering follow-up posts, which is excellent marketing for the restaurant. Your odds of receiving that special treatment are better if your occasion is entered into the restaurant’s computerized reservation system than if you mention it only to your host or waiter when you arrive.
Sit at the bar. If you’re a party of two or three, eating at the bar is an excellent way to get fast, personal service at many restaurants. Unlike a waiter, a bartender likely will be very close at hand throughout your meal…and because bartenders and bar patrons face one another, you’re more likely to form a personal bond. It improves your odds of receiving complimentary drinks and other perks, too. And you often can get seated at the bar immediately even when there’s a wait for a table.
Helpful: If you don’t like the table you are offered at a restaurant, asking to sit at the bar may be preferable to asking for a different table. You may have been offered the original table because the waiter in that section had time to serve you. A different table might be served by a waiter who already is very busy.
Mention a tight timetable even if you’re not trying to get out by a certain deadline, such as by the start time of a play or movie. If you want a leisurely dining experience, you wouldn’t do this, of course. But if you’re concerned that things might drag, it’s a way to get some extra insurance against slow service. (And don’t wait until after you order to tell your server you’re in a bit of a time crunch because at that point, there’s less he can do to speed things up.)
Conversely, if your waiter is clearly very busy but you’re in no hurry, say, “I can see you’re busy. Don’t worry too much about us—we’re not in a rush.” Your meal might end up taking a little longer, but you could earn the waiter’s appreciation, which might result in perks such as complimentary drinks…or especially attentive service on future visits.
Don’t let an open menu keep your waiter away. When your party is ready to order, confirm that everyone at your table has set his menu down and closed if it has a cover. If there’s even one menu that looks like it’s still being used, the waiter might think that the table is not ready to order, slowing your service. You can always pick up or reopen a menu when the waiter arrives if, for example, you want to remind yourself about food items.
Take simple steps that avoid annoying the waiter unnecessarily. Example: If you want separate checks, tell the waiter before you begin ordering. With modern restaurant computer systems, it’s not that difficult to provide separate checks…as long as your waiter knows you want them before he enters your meal into the system. And don’t make your waiter stand around. It’s perfectly fine to say you need more time to decide what to order and to ask the server to come back in a few minutes. But don’t do what many people do—they say they’re ready but then sit there perusing the menu while their server waits.
Ask for the waiter’s help choosing between two items rather than asking, “What do you recommend?” The standard “what do you recommend?” gives the waiter no hint about your personal tastes. It also lets the waiter recommend a dish that he was told to push because it’s past its prime and the restaurant doesn’t want to throw the food away.
Make requests when other people at your table are doing so, too. Waiters hate it when they must make multiple trips to the same table because members of the group don’t request such things as drink refills or additional utensils at the same time. Coordinate requests when you can. The easier you make the waiter’s job, the more likely he will treat you well.
Learn names. Your waiter likely will tell you his name. Also ask the host or hostess’s name and the busboy’s name. If you’re not great at remembering names, take a moment to jot them down. On future visits, call as many employees by name as possible. Knowing names is the key to being viewed as a regular—and being a regular is the key to receiving exceptional service.
Don’t say, “I know the owner.” Patrons who say this are the subject of quiet mockery among the waitstaff, who inevitably assume that these patrons don’t really know the owner (at least not well) and are lying or stretching the truth to get special treatment. If you really do know the restaurant’s owner (or manager or chef), instead ask whether this person is in. Example: “Is Jane Smith in today? If she has a second, could you tell her we’d love to say hi.” That sends the message that you really do know this person…and if this restaurant VIP does stop by your table, this visit could indeed ensure attentive service from the waitstaff.
