So many things are hard about seeing someone you love cope with cancer… not least of which is not knowing what you can do to help him/her feel better. If that’s a dilemma you’ve struggled with, here is one thing you can do that has been shown to be enormously helpful in relieving pain, anxiety, depression and the stress of treatment — for both of you.

What is it? Massage, using specific techniques developed in a study sponsored by the National Cancer Institute. Patients who’ve experienced these massages have reported not only lower stress and reduced pain but also less fatigue and nausea. The caregivers, too, get much from giving the massage — one reported that her partner’s enjoyment of the massage “made me feel very good about myself”… while another commented that the massage sessions helped the couple maintain a level of physical intimacy in spite of her husband’s chemotherapy side effects.

Learn Loving Touch

The lead researcher of the program was William Collinge, PhD, whose firm, Collinge and Associates, studies complementary therapies for the National Institutes of Health. He told me that over his many years of work with individuals and families living with illness, he has learned that many people are afraid to touch someone with cancer out of concern that it might spread cancer cells or cause complications and more pain. However, massage has been shown to be safe, he said, noting that the techniques taught in his program use only appropriate light touch. Caregivers learn safety precautions, including the “just right” amount of pressure and how to work around sensitive sites, and they are encouraged to check in with the patient’s doctor before they begin. Dr. Collinge explains that the goal of the program is to provide relaxation and comfort with techniques for the head, neck, shoulders, back, feet and hands.

Another benefit: Massage gives the “care partner” a way to be fully present and express love. “A simple hand massage while waiting for chemo can be a great help,” Dr. Collinge said, adding that massage benefits people with all stages and types of cancer.

Some cancer centers provide the program free of charge to patients and families. The 78-minute instructional DVD and manual, called “Touch, Caring, and Cancer: Simple Instruction for Family and Friends,” available in English, Spanish and Chinese, can also be purchased for $39.95 from www.partnersinhealing.net/tcc.html, where you can preview a six-minute introduction.